I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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