Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
