My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
