I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
