i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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