if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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