I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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