her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
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