BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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