So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
