I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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