I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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