On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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