I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
