I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!