I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
