Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
