I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
