just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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