dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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