the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
