Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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