First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
