Your face is a jimmy john
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
