I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
