"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
