I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
