Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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