Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
