i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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