So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
