Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
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We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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