Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
