Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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