we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
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If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
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Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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