When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
