cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
