Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
