Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
