If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
