I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
