just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
