She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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