Plan B is the new Plan A
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.