I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins