i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house