I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"