Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
