Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
