I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
