Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
