im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
