ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
