It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
