hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
