I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
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You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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