i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
