I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
