what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
