Who wears a wallet chain?!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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