i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
