looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
