ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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