I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
