she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
