Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life