Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas