I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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