I could make wine with my vomit
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
