So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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