i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize