im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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