can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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