also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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