Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
